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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28795272">Fail Flirting</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookofOdym/pseuds/BookofOdym'>BookofOdym</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>DCU, DCU (Comics), Hawkman (Comics), Justice Society of America (Comics)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 08:54:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,234</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28795272</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookofOdym/pseuds/BookofOdym</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Carter's been in the same relationship for several lifetimes, so the first time he starts to have feelings for someone who isn't his long-term wife, he has no idea what to do. Luckily Ted Grant is there to give him some quality advice. What would he ever do without good old Ted?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Carter Hall/Ray Palmer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Fail Flirting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Carter wasn’t sure how long it had been the case, it could possibly have been years, and he just didn’t notice. He had been busy, and there had just been no reason to analyze his thoughts about his friends. But he woke up one morning and realized that he was in love with Ray Palmer. It had been such a little thing, rolling over in bed to pick up his phone. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He had gotten 4 texts since last night. No, wait. 8. Alan had apparently texted him to complain about something at 5 points during the night, and the latest: “Sanderson has been extremely rude. Deal with him,” was not something he wanted to deal with at 6 in the morning. Ted’s text about his latest cat-themed supervillainess locking him out of his own home, while he was naked, was something he wanted to deal with even less. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Ray was third, so maybe at that point, Carter was just looking for someone who wasn’t making demands of him, but he found himself relaxing a little. “Have a good day at work,” the text read, “also, I made too much food last night, and it’s in the fridge on the Watchtower if you can get to it before Ollie.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Carter rolled back over onto his back, staring at the text with what had to be an incredibly dopey smile. “He’s so cute,” he said to himself, and it sounded weird even to his own ears. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He definitely had a problem. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>When he arrived at the JSA meeting that morning, he had a plastic tub of pasta under one arm and his mace in the other. Jay had once chastised him about taking that mace everywhere he went, but he maintained that they were necessary. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>For instance, when he had transported up to the Watchtower, Oliver had already been digging through the fridge, and how was Carter supposed to chase him away without a weapon?</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Ted was already at the table, and he glowered at Carter. “She called the police and told them I was tryin’ to break in, if ya were wonderin’. It took three hours to get it all sorted out.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s your own fault in the first place. Stop sleeping with every single Cheetah.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Alan was already looming over his shoulder. “Hector and Henry swapped Monitor shifts so that Hector could, and I quote: ‘spend the evening with his wife’, I’d deal with it myself, except Hector is your son, so...” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Ah yes, he’d forgotten that the thing about ignoring their texts was that they’d bother him in person later. He glanced over at Jay helplessly, but only because hitting Alan with his mace was always more trouble than it was worth. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“He spends the evening with his wife every night, Carter,” Alan continued, “how is that a valid reason to-” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Jay seemed to take pity on him, because he came over, inserting himself between Alan and Carter, “Are you getting along better with Kendra? It looks like she made you lunch.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“-IGNORE the schedule I spent HOURS slaving over,” Alan was still going, forever unable to take a hint. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“More like ten minutes,” Ted chimed in, “I specifically asked ya to leave all of Valentine’s Day free, but when I look at the chart, I have two slots on that day and one’s overnight. I swear it coulda been on purpose.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It absolutely was, but Carter was intent on ignoring this conversation. “No,” he said, raising his voice, “Ray said he had leftovers!” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Well maybe I don’t want to have to deal with you scheduling three dates with three different supervillains like last year!” Alan raised his voice too. There were now two entirely separate conversations going on that somehow intersected at some points. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” A knowing look passed over Jay’s face, as he attempted to push Alan backward slightly, away from the general area that Ted could reach with his fists, “well, at least he’s making sure you eat, you have been forgetting to at times recently.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Carter nodded, not really sure why Jay was looking at him like that. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Make sure you invite him to Thanksgiving this year, Carter, I’d like to see Raymond again.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh, what’s goin’ on?” Wildcat asked, suddenly paying attention to them. “Hawk tryin’ to land the Shrinky Dink? I can help.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Jay said hurriedly, “I’m sure that Carter has it handled; you don’t have to.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“And who is the person with the most experience datin’ here, Garrick?” Ted’s mouth was slowly transforming into a grin, and any man with sense would point out that Jay Garrick had been happily married for several decades, while Ted Grant was still sleeping around 80 years later. Unfortunately for Carter, he was desperate. He had been out of the dating game for millennia, being married to the same person for several lifetimes, so while he could be romantic, the truth was that he only knew what worked for Shiera. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Ray was not Shiera. Ray was very much not Shiera. He was sensitive, he didn’t need to be protected, but Carter often felt the urge to do so anyway. His interests lay in the academic, and he would often start talking about some new scientific discovery that even Carter, with all his lifetimes of experience, couldn’t really understand. He was unfamiliar, which meant it was incredibly easy to screw things up with him. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What would you suggest, Wildcat?” </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Ray was just packing up his office, getting ready to go home for the night. He loved working as a teacher, but college students had a bad habit of being even worse than high schoolers. Sometimes they would even show up to class still drunk from the night before, and after ten hours of them, he got incredibly tired. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He was already rubbing his eyes as he stepped out of his office and directly into someone’s chest. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah,” he started, glancing upwards into the man’s face, just to check who he was. It wouldn’t be the first time he had been attacked at work. “Carter, what are-” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Hawkman</span>
  <span> cleared his throat, and Ray shut up instantly. Either there was some bad news, which he couldn’t take, he couldn’t take anyone else dying, or... was there a chance Carter felt the same way?</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Stony faced, Carter pulled a thin piece of paper from his jacket pocket and began to read aloud from it, not changing his facial expression at all: “Don’t worry, I used to play Tetris as a kid. I can make it fit.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Ray blinked. “No, you didn’t?” Somehow the sexual connotations of that statement went completely over his head as he focused on just how wrong it was. “Video games weren’t even invented when you were a kid.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Carter continued reading as if he thought that continuing would make Ray understand what was going on any better. Keeping his face completely emotionless, he read out another line: “I’m on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Wait, that sounded like... Ray’s mouth went dry. Was Carter trying to flirt with him? Badly? “Read out another one.” He had to see if his suspicions were correct. </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Twinkle twinkle little star, let’s have sex inside my- Jesus fucking Christ, Ted.” </span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm, thought so,” Ray leaned in close, just so that he could see all the other potential options. “Why on Earth would you not ask Jay Garrick?”</span>
  
</p>
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